Reasons
by Shay-Nia
Summary: Reasons why Percy Jackson cut and enjoys pain. Rated T for self harm.
1. Chapter 1

Blood. Blood was everywhere. It was covered my clothes and left arm. The blade in my right hand was covered too. I examined the long deep cut I had carved into my arm. I smiled at the blood flow and pain. This is what I enjoyed now. Pain. It was always there for me and never let me down. Pain was my best friend. I sang to myself quietly:

**_Pain, without love_**  
**_Pain, I can't get enough_**  
**_Pain, I like it rough_**  
**_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_**

**_You're sick of feeling numb_**  
**_You're not the only one_**  
**_I'll take you by the hand_**  
**_And I'll show you a world that you can understand_**  
**_This life is filled with hurt_**  
**_When happiness doesn't work_**  
**_Trust me and take my hand_**  
**_When the lights go out you will understand_**

**_Pain, without love_**  
**_Pain, I can't get enough_**  
**_Pain, I like it rough_**  
**_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_**  
**_Pain, without love_**  
**_Pain, I can't get enough_**  
**_Pain, I like it rough_**  
**_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_**

**_Anger and agony_**  
**_Are better than misery_**  
**_Trust me I've got a plan_**  
**_When the lights go off you will understand_**

**_Pain, without love_**  
**_Pain, I can't get enough_**  
**_Pain, I like it rough_**  
**_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_**  
**_Pain, without love_**  
**_Pain, I can't get enough_**  
**_Pain, I like it rough_**  
**_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing_**  
**_Rather feel pain_**

**_I know (I know I know I know I know)_**  
**_That you're wounded_**  
**_You know (You know you know you know you know)_**  
**_That I'm here to save you_**  
**_You know (You know you know you know you know)_**  
**_I'm always here for you_**  
**_I know (I know I know I know I know)_**  
**_That you'll thank me later_**

**_Pain, without love_**  
**_Pain, can't get enough_**  
**_Pain, I like it rough_**  
**_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_**  
**_Pain, without love_**  
**_Pain, I can't get enough_**  
**_Pain, I like it rough_**  
**_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_**  
**_Pain, without love_**  
**_Pain, I can't get enough_**  
**_Pain, I like it rough_**  
**_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_**  
**_Rather feel pain than nothing at all_**  
**_Rather feel pain_**

Then I sang:

**_I bleed it out digging deeper_**  
**_Just to throw it away_**

**_I bleed it out digging deeper_**  
**_Just to throw it away_**

**_I bleed it out digging deeper_**  
**_Just to throw it away_**

**_Just to throw it away_**  
**_Just to throw it away_**

**_I bleed it out digging deeper_**  
**_Just to throw it away_**

**_I bleed it out digging deeper_**  
**_Just to throw it away_**

**_I bleed it out digging deeper_**  
**_Just to throw it away_**

**_Just to throw it away_**  
**_Just to throw it away_**

**_I bleed it out_**  
**_I bleed it out_**  
**_I bleed it out_**

I know what you are thinking. "You have a family and food, clothes, and a place to live. " Sure I do, but I trade it all away if that would get me someone who cared, loved, and wanted someone who wouldn't abandon me. For someone who understood, someone who appreciated me for me and didn't judge me.

Yeah I cut. Call me emo but pain will always be with and won't even abandon me. The story behind this? It's long, but I guess I'll tell you.

* * *

Few years back...


	2. The start

**Songs in the first chapter are Pain by Three Days Grace and Bleeding It Out by Linkin Park. I won't answer questions about if I myself cut, by the way so don't ask. **

* * *

A few years back, I sat alone at lunch. My "friends" came over to me.

**(An: I know the real relationship between the gang so don't hate) **

"Hey Prissy. We missed you late night. What happened? Where you to busy snuggling with your mommy?" Thalia asked with a smirk.

"I fell asleep, thank you. And don't call me Prissy!" I said. I hated it! They always made fun of me and hurt me. And they knew I wouldn't do anything about it. It's been going on for two years already.

Jason pushed me back into the wall I had sat against. I groaned.

"Thanks, Jason," I groaned.

"Hey Prissy," called Leo as he walked up with Piper, Frank, Annabeth, Nico and Hazel.

"Come on, Prissy. After school we're going to Central Park. You wanna come?" Piper asked.

"I don't think I have a choice," I murmured. Frank pushed my head down.

"No you don't," he answered.

* * *

At Central Park we played , or as I call it "Throw the baseball as hard as you can at Percy.' I had bruises everywhere. That went on for an hour and a half. When I got home I was ticked off. The apartment was empty. I dug threw the bathroom until I found what I was looking for. A blade. I locked the door and sat on the bathroom floor. I rolled up my sleeve and swiped the blade down my arm. I smiled. Pain felt good.

I swiped again and again and again, and watch the blood flow down my arm. After that day I kept the blade in my pocket. I would sit inside of a bathroom stall and would cut, when I was angry, sad, or felt like I need a swipe. Everything changed last week... giving me the feeling I had to cut more,giving me the feeling pain was my best friend.

* * *

It was a boiling hot day...


	3. Help

It was a boiling hot day, yet I wore a blue hoodie. Since I started cutting I've been wearing long sleeves no matter what weather. And now people were starting to notice. I walked into my first period, and Annabeth walked over to me. She was wearing shorts and short sleeve shirt with her hair pulled back.

"Aren't you hot, under that?" She asked. I shook my head and tugged at the end of the sleeve. She stared at me for a moment, then walked away. Of course I knew she was suspicious, but didn't know of what. My "friends" did it again. Calling me Prissy and pushing me into stuff. I got home ( which was empty, like always after school) and went straight to my room. I closed the door and began swiping the blade on my arm.

I hadn't heard her come in until she let out a gasp. I turned. It was Annabeth. She looked for my arm, to the blade, to me and back to my arm.

"Anna-" I tried.

"Percy, you need help." She interrupted.

"I don't-"

"Yes you do, Percy. You're mental!" She interrupted again.

"I'm not mental!" I countered.

"What sane person cuts themselves?!" She countered back. "You need therapy or something."

"I don't need anything, Annabeth. I fine."

"Say that to the blood pouring out of your arm." She pulled out her phone and dialed a number. "Hello? Yes. I pretty sure my friend is mental. He's been cutting himself." There was pause. "I don't know how long, but it looks like it's been going on for a while now." After another pause Annabeth gave my address. She hung up her phone and looked at me. After 30 minutes there was a knock at the door.

"Stay," Annabeth said before walking to the door. "He's over there." I heard her say. Suddenly a tall man in a suit with peppered hair stood in front of me. He looked at my arm.

"Yes it has be going on for a while," he muttered. Then to me," You need help. My name is Dan and I major in this mental health. And this isn't good you should come with me."


	4. Confessions

I sat in the backseat of Dan's white Bentley. He drove and Annabeth rode shotgun. I quietly fingered the blade hidden in my pocket.

"So... Am I mental. Do I have to go to a mental hospital?" I asked. Dan shook his head.

" No," he said. "But you need to stop. This isn't right."

"So? I know it's not, but I do it anyways. It makes me happy. Pain is my only friend." I replied.

"What about us at school? What are we to you?" Annabeth asked.

"To me? To me you guys are the reason I'm tortured inside." I answered harshly. "I'll never stop, and no one can make me!"

"OKay, Percy, but will you talk to me during some therapy sessions?"

"Whatever." We drove in silence the rest of the way.

* * *

I now sat in Dan's therapy office. I didn't say anything as he looked at me for the other side of his desk.

"OKay, Percy. How long have you been cutting?"

I thought a moment. "Few years ago." He looked shocked, but didn't say anything.

"Does anyone else know, besides me and Annabeth?" I shook my head.

"What caused the need?"

"A lot of things. But I could take it anymore one day after my so-called friends through baseball's at me. " Dan nodded.

"You say you don't want to stop? Why?"

"Pain helps. The pain calms me down..." I pause then add quietly, "It keeps me from hurting anyone else."

"If your mother knew it would break her heart."

"She won't know," I muttered.

She wasn't going to find out, no one was.


	5. No Help, Just Pain

Dan drove Annabeth and I back to our houses. It had only been an hour, so Mom wasn't home yet. I walked down the hall from the elevator singing Still Waiting by Sum 41.

_So am I still waiting_  
_For this world to stop hating_  
_Can't find a good reason_  
_Can't find hope to believe in_

_Drop dead_  
_A bullet to my head_  
_Your words are like a gun in hand_  
_You can't change the state of the nation_  
_We just need some motivation_

_These eyes_  
_Have seen no conviction_  
_Just lies and more contradiction_  
_So tell me what would you say_  
_I'd say it's time too late..._

_So am I still waiting_  
_For this world to stop hating_  
_Can't find a good reason_  
_Can't find hope to believe in_

I sang. I walked in my room and threw myself down on my bed. Annabeth had made things worse. And she was probably going to tell, well... EVERYONE! I fell asleep dreading tomorrow.

* * *

The next morning I dressed in my hoodie again and walked to school. Bad idea. Annabeth caught up with me.

"How you feeling today, Pris... I mean Percy?" I rolled my eyes.

"Depressed and _**annoyed**_," I replied. Apparently she didn't the hint, because she said," Come on. I'll try to cheer you up."

"Gods, Annabeth! You just don't get it. I don't need cheering up! I want to be left alone!" I said harshly. Then added quietly, "Like I always am." She looked shocked.

"I can change that. I can help you."

"I don't want your pity help! Just leave me alone!" I quickened my pace, and didn't look back.

_Fire your guns_  
_It's time to run_  
_Blow me away_  
_(I will stay, in the mess I made)_  
_After the fall_  
_We'll shake it off_  
_Show me the way_

_Only the strongest will survive_  
_Lead me to heaven, when we die_  
_I am the shadow on the wall_  
_I'll be the one to save us all_

I sang these words to Blow Me Away by Breaking Benjamin over and over._ If only I could save myself, if only I was strong enough that I would feel tortured inside. I_ thought. I was better off dead, but I couldn't do that to my mom. There was only one solution... pain. I didn't need help just pain.


	6. Secrets unleashed

She told! That blonde smucker told! I was fizzed off. I couldn't believe she'd do that. She had told everyone that was in her group, and knowing them, they probably told everyone they knew.

The group came up to me (Annabeth included) at lunch and asked me a bunch of questions, like: _ You're Emo? Are you doing this for attention? Can I see your scars? Can you cut a bunny? Do you need help? _They were bugging the shard out of me.

"Smuck off, smuckers! I don't need help! Leaving alone!" I stormed off. I could tell they were in awe as I did. I heard whispers from people. _ How many people know? _ I asked myself feeling self conscious. People came up to me asking practically the same questions as Annabeth's group had. I only did one thing...I ran to the bathroom, locked myself in a stall, dug out the blade in my pocket and cut. It felt good, but I knew I couldn't hide in there forever. I wondered if Annabeth had told my mom. Maybe I could transfer schools and change my name.

There was only one thing I was sure if... pain was my best friend. Forever and always.

* * *

**That's the end! **


End file.
